Should you have SEX on the 1st date?
Knowing when the best time to have sex is difficult at times. When is too soon? Will they lose interest if I wait too long? Basically, and sorry (or happy?) to say, that there is no right answer. In this video I break down the answers for you and share my own experience.
For more info, here is an article I found that may help. I can’t say agree with 100% of what is written because I’ve had differing experiences, but it’s another opinion, which just goes to show that there really isn’t a “right” way to go about this.
When is the best time to start being sexually intimate in a relationship, according to science?
The answer is complicated, spanning anywhere from a few dates to a few months after you start to spending time together.
One of the reasons it's hard to determine the best time in a relationship to have sex is because there hasn't been a lot of research tackling that specific question. Few studies have looked at the health of a relationship as it relates to when couples first had sex, and the research that has been done mostly features specific samples of people — mainly college students or married heterosexual couples.
But here's what we know about commitment and sex
In the early 2000s, Illinois State University communications professor Sandra Metts performed a study to find out whether having an emotional connection — in particular saying "I love you" before having sex — could have a positive impact on a relationship.
Her study of almost 300 college-age men and women found that it did.
In fact, Metts' results suggested that couples who had sex first then said "I love you" after had a negative experience: The introduction of that conversation was often awkward and apologetic.
Metts' study provided a list of classic steps partners should take before they get physical, though it's not a clear indicator of the exact timing to have sex. The list includes getting to know the person, sharing a first kiss, then building up to an expression of commitment.
That emotional connection is one of the key elements of any relationship, psychotherapist Toni Coleman told Business Insider in 2015.
Having a good level of communication and an understanding of where the relationship is headed also helps ensure the experience will be positive, she said.
Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist from California, agreed that being on the same page emotionally is helpful for finding the best time to start having sex.
"The most important thing is you both agree not to push," he previously told Business Insider. "Be clear that the person is comfortable."
In other words, it's best to wait at least until you're comfortable with each other and have a better picture of what each person wants in the relationship. But when it comes to how much time that takes, it depends.
Here's what three different researchers have to say:
Option 1: Give it a few weeks
According to Goldsmith, a total of 36 hours spent together is all it takes to be ready. Those hours doesn't have to be consecutive, he said — it could be a dinner date plus a weekend afternoon spent together, and so on, until the hours add up. For most people, that would probably take a few weeks.
If a couple waits much longer than that, he says, the strong desire to have sex may begin to subside. There's data to back him up — a 2012 study on sexual desire found that after the beginning phase of a relationship, sexual desire can drop.
Option 2: Hold off for a few months
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